Forgiveness: Three Steps to Set Yourself Free

Home > Forgiveness: Three Steps to Set Yourself Free

Forgiveness is the one thing that we all need to learn on this earthly plane. Many spiritual teachers and gurus have talked about the its importance of it.

And yet...

Why is it so hard to forgive?

Don't we all have people who we simply cannot forgive? 

Well, if you have...welcome to the club!

That is the whole point of this entire journey called 'life'. We all came here to learn from it. And set ourselves free from resentment, anger and all sorts of heavy negative energies that bind us in prisons of pain.

Step 1: When Can You Forgive?

The question remains... how can we ever let go?

I'd suffered for nearly four decades with this issue, like everyone else. I couldn't let go of people who’d hurt me including my parents. 

It felt like a bloody curse as I knew that I will not be free unless I let go. It seemed like a mission impossible. 

And at some point, I reached one conclusion.

It's ok not to be able to forgive until I am ready. And before I become able to do so, I need to go through years of healing.

Let's start from here.

We need to know that there are reasons why we cannot do something. And try to understand the reason why. 

In my case, I couldn’t forgive my parents for not loving/accepting me for who I am. Classic. I still needed them to love and accept me in the way I want. I needed them to see me as who I am. And this attachment was my prison. I needed to heal myself before I become able to let go.

We cannot let go when we still have our wounds and pain unhealed. As all we want is to get even. We want apologies, and more importantly, empathy for our pain.

As I usually suggest, we need to have:

  • Unconditional Love
  • Genuine Compassion
  • Cognitive Understanding

for ourselves.

And they are the remedies for the issue.

Step Two: Healing Wounds and Accept What Is

To be able to forgive, we need to heal our wounds and pain to certain extent.

While working on healing my emotional wounds and pain, I started feeling Ok that I still have unfulfilled emotional needs within me. 

I was able to feel my own feelings and emotions separately from myself. And became able to understand them.

I spent lots of times talking to myself, or to my inner-child and released lots of repressed emotions. 

I take time out when my pain-body gets triggered and ask my inner-child questions like:

  • What are you so very angry about? 
  • How do you feel? 
  • What do you want to say or do?
  • Is there anything I can do for you?

It is like parenting my own inner-child with unconditional love. I am now responsible for it.

For more detail about inner-child healing, please also read:

This took many years. And total acceptance of ‘what is’ created a calm and a peace within me. I felt a relief.

And then, slowly, I became able to move forward to the next step. 

Step Three: Cognitive Understanding of the Issue

Leonard Jacobson often says:

You can't get blood out of a stone.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not being pessimistic or sarcastic here.

Not at all.

It is called the human condition. We all pass on what we received from our parents. When we humans are so unconscious, we cannot love. Unless we reclaim our projections, both negative and positive. It's important to our healing journey to understand this. For both ourselves and others.

There was a time when I finally realized that people around me are also the ones who suffered the very same thing. And yet, they have no awareness of it. And they unconsciously passed that onto others.

I needed to let go of the attachment for controlling something that I cannot control. All I could do was to accept what is with true understanding. People including my parents are on their journey too, and they did their very best.

It doesn't mean that we should accept everything. Not that at all. But to know where to draw boundaries.

We cannot take responsibility for other people's lessons, just as other people cannot take responsibility for ours.

One of my life’s lessons is to learn how to love myself for who I am. It is my responsibility to give what I need. And to reclaim my responsibility is called 'empowerment'. 

I am not suggesting that this is easy. 

I cannot force other people (including my parents) to love me the way I want. If they cannot, it is up to me to make decisions no matter how difficult or painful that is. I have the key to my own happiness.

...Lastly

Sometimes, true understanding and acceptance are all we need. Maybe we can call it forgiveness.

If you find it hard to go through this process alone, try to find a mentor or a teacher. I have two mentors who’ve been guiding and supporting me all along.

And I would like to share something that I found on my Facebook:

Stop blaming your parents for everything that is wrong in your life.

Be grateful they saw you through your teenage years and didn't kill you.

By Higher Perspective

Thank you for coming this far with me, wish you a nice day.

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An energy worker who's been practicing spiritual healing. To read more about the author, please click here. If you want to contact the author, please click here.

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